Measuring One's Worth

TODAY

I woke up to a flurry of notifications on my Facebook News Feed-- 'Matched to my top choice, Mt Sinai, Internal Medicine. New York, here I come!', read one. 'I'm coming home!!! UC Internal Medicine! My number #1 choice!', read another.

There were more to come. 'Match Day', I learnt, did not refer to the day of a momentous tennis competition, but rather the day when medical registrars gathered to learn whether they were 'matched' successfully to their choice of specialisation. Now, that is a match worth shedding tears, and whooping with glee, over.

Yet I recognised a not-so-foreign sensation within myself-- that creeping sense of bittersweet envy. On one hand, I was elated, proud even, of my fellow Brunonians who slogged, toiled and yes, survived (for many did not come through intact) this brutal four years of memorising body parts in Latin and enduring inhumane hours on shift; yet, co-existing with this rejoicing was a more malevolent sense of self-questioning. Now, to set the context straight, I AM actually contented and happy with my life right now; besides the fact that I had been nursing a nasty week-long virus that knocked me out from work three days straight, I have pretty much nothing to complain about-- I have a loving family, a supportive fiance, and a job at an educational not-for-profit that I am proud to show up for every day.

So, what was this foreign sensation then? And where/when/how did it begin to sink its claws in? I dug deep within. It dawned on me that the age-old beast of envy had reared its head-- you see, contentment is sometimes an elusive thing. I often thought, that perhaps when everyone is in abject poverty as in North Korea, perhaps it is not liberation but cruelty to expose them to what-could-have-been, the 'other', the 'haves' while they remain the 'have-nots', except now painfully aware of the lives on the other side, yet unable to approximate it.

Of course, none of us are living in North-Korean-like conditions. But what I was trying to get at was, that it takes but a tiny teething bud of comparison-- of looking to others and their lives (at least the glossy photo-shopped versions on Facebook) and thinking perhaps how they 'unfairly' seemed to 'have it all'-- the MD, the top match, the gorgeous smiles with their beaus, the close loving family, and the lifestyles and finances to boot. All it takes is that split second of being unguarded, when that bitter root of envy can take ground, and sprout, threatening to spill its poison into the soil of our hearts.

In times like these, when we are tempted to think that someone else 'has it all', or that our lives and paths are perhaps 'less glamorous' or worthwhile than the Joneses, let us stop and take pause. Take stock. Remind ourselves of a few things:

1. Facebook is NOT real

And really, really bad for my health and sanity. #bookmark

2. It is NOT about me --

So rejoice, and rejoice fully, for the achievements of others, and celebrate their greatness with true generosity of heart.

3. I AM ENOUGH.

My worth is not predicated on a piece of paper that hangs from my wall (if at all), my title, my profession, my bank account, or on how many 'likes' I garner on Facebook. I am fearfully and wonderfully created in God's image, and therefore I AM ENOUGH.

4. The value of one's work is not measured by how the world perceives it, but by how you are reaching out to the 'one before you'-- the difference you make to each soul, yes, even if it is just one life you have managed to impact before you see your Maker again

In this regard, I am ridiculously blessed. Every day, I get to be paid to teach young people, to anchor them, and re-orientate them in the 'good old-fashioned' values that truly matter-- teaching them to value others, and value themselves, and in so doing become true leaders of influence. I am blessed, because I am no longer wading through molasses of pointless paperwork, wondering if I am wasting my life waiting to get to that imaginary 'If...then I will...' point in my future. I am living out my future right NOW, I am CREATING that future right now, and I am proud to say that I am happy, and I can see my Maker tomorrow without qualms.

I leave you all with a favourite quote of mine--